deviant art





Login
Join deviantART for FREE Take the Tour Lost Password?
Deviant Login
Shop
 Join deviantART for FREE Take the Tour
About Me Literature / Hobbyist Member liziliciousFemale/Philippines Recent Activity
Deviant for 3 Years
Needs Premium Membership
Statistics 172 Deviations 1,001 Comments 7,159 Pageviews

Newest Deviations

Stupid writer's block.

Groups

Watchers

Friends

Webcam

deviantID

lizilicious's Profile Picture
~lizilicious
Serena Mithane
Artist | Hobbyist | Literature
Philippines
Writing cursed with a bad case of chronic writer's block. Also someone struggling to change the world, but still has no idea how to do that. In the mean time, a cookie ninja with almost non-existent dexterity.
Interests
It's been a while since I've decided to go write a blog entry that let me reflect on everything going on in my life. I guess it's just been a while since I've NEEDED to, is all. Wow. These past few days have been murder on me. And quite frankly, it doesn't help that everyone has such shallow things to worry about like school. Sorry. It's just. I don't see why it's THAT big a deal. I just hate it when people go on and on, and even go as far as comparing intelligence to grades. When I see people who are willing to give up living an actual life for their grades. I don't mean a life of parties or something. Just…being able to actually make a difference in other people's lives. But I digress.

This is bringing out the worst in me, is all. And that terrifies me more than anything. It's just one of those moments where I suddenly stopped and realized that if I'm not careful, I could let it all out. I've seen what the darkness in me can do. I've already broken someone once because they made my friend cry. Wasn't pretty. Not a very clear memory anymore, but still. I almost unleashed it again today. And for a long while I just hated myself for not being more careful, because I guess I thought it had gone away before already.

But…I guess the darkness in us never completely goes away, does it? So it's good that when I played my Winamp on shuffle it started playing a song from one of the best games I've ever played: Persona 4. The title of the song was I'll Face Myself. Waha.

I just needed to remember…That ignoring the darkness in you doesn't make it go away, only thrive on your own fear of it.

So I guess I need to face it. I need to understand that it IS a part of me. That…it exists. No matter how hard it might be to accept that when I see that hideous part of me, I always need to accept it for what it is. So this is a struggle for me, too. I have stuff I need to find and to fix, and I guess it won't be easy, and it'll take longer than a couple of days to solve this.

But I've always been a stubborn headed idiot for anything I've considered worth fighting for. And god damn it, if I'm accepting the disgusting parts of me, I've got to accept that part of me too. I'm a fighter because of one of best friends, who, though he's gone now, has taught me more things about myself than I will ever care to admit, because sometimes it still infuriates me that he figured it out before I did.

Every nightmare that I've been having since I was a little girl was just the darkness in me trying to let itself be heard. This time, I need to accept it on my own. And now I realize, it's not because I don't need you. I misunderstood what I was feeling this morning. It's because… I need to remember who I am again. To see myself in crystal clear honesty without anyone trying to tell me what they see. This time, I need to sort it out and…oddly enough, become friends with it.

And if love is having the strength of will to choose to go beyond yourself, then I'll need to learn to fix this too. I've said it before, but this time, I need to tell myself this. Because I'm tired of this blaming and stupidity.

A relationship is about two people.

So yeah. Claustrophobia, I'm also looking at you. You've been a stupid fear all my life, getting in the way of shit. I'm sick of you. >_> I'm getting over you, once and for all.

But anyway. Sorry this blog entry is kind of bleargh and scattered and my thoughts are weird and not expressed or worded very well.

My writing has been off in general, lately. That's why I haven't been posting any of it. =)))

So yeah.

And you. You bitch.

You look like a housefly. Or in the words of my best friend, some form of cephalopod. :)

That's the most I'll say to you. Anything else gives you meaning and relevance.

Been a while since I've signed off a blog entry in the usual way I do but… I've missed doing it. XD

That is all.

-SeMi
  • Mood: Distressed
  • Listening to: Whatever It Takes by Lifehouse
  • Reading: The Amber Spyglass by Philip Pullman
  • Watching: Fairly Odd Parents
  • Playing: Nothing.
  • Eating: Nothing.
  • Drinking: Water.

Donate

~lizilicious has started a donation pool!
25 / 100
Made the goal bigger this time. :iconlawooplz:

If you can find it in your hearts to donate even just one point, it would mean a lot. :eager:

Donors will get my gratitude, a llama, and a feature of 3 works of theirs that I like. XDD

And a virtual glomp! :glomp:

You must be logged in to donate.

Journal History

AdCast - Ads from the Community

[x]

Comments


:icon:
Add a Comment:
 
:icondreamsinstatic:
=dreamsinstatic Apr 22, 2012  Professional Writer
Thanks for the :+fav:

--
Founder of #Poetry-Screams & #Literary-Visions
Friday Night Features: Volume 47

Facebook
Twitter
Reply
:iconlizilicious:
~lizilicious Apr 23, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
No problem. :D

--
:glomp:

Everything and nothing about me, all at once:
[link]
//
Because you were always more
than just my standards, love.
Reply
:iconleblanck:
Thank you very much Serena! I'm glad you like my wall desktop !

Have a nice day!
Reply
:iconlizilicious:
~lizilicious Dec 21, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
No problem, it was really awesome. :)

--
:glomp:

Everything and nothing about me, all at once:
[link]
//
Because you were always more
than just my standards, love.
Reply
:iconneonsquiggle:
~neonsquiggle Aug 27, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
ALMOST non-existent dexterity? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

--
We are just these people, happy tangled lives. We are only chemicals and skin, barely strapped in.

:huggle:
Reply
:iconlizilicious:
~lizilicious Aug 27, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
HEY, you're one to talk! :rofl: :rofl:

--
:glomp:

Everything and nothing about me, all at once:
[link]
//
Because you were always more
than just my standards, love.
Reply
:iconneonsquiggle:
~neonsquiggle Aug 31, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
I didn't broadcast a lie to legions of viewers! :rofl: :rofl:

--
We are just these people, happy tangled lives. We are only chemicals and skin, barely strapped in.

:huggle:
Reply
:iconantiterroristteddy:
Yes you did. "I'm about average height"
Reply
(1 Reply)
:iconm7mda7md7sein:
~M7mdA7md7sein Jun 22, 2011  Hobbyist Interface Designer
Thanks for the fav :D :D

--
My Desktop Screenshots' Gallery :D
Hope U Like It ^__^
[link]
Reply
:iconbaima18:
Thanks for the fav~
Reply
:icon:
Add a Comment: